Monday, December 22, 2008

Scattering some thoughts about new chapters.

From start to finish, my trip to the UK has truly been full of ups and downs and a fair amount of introspection interspersed with pure avoidance of introspection. Funny, I went for a class with Russell James, ended up with that plus:

-a class with Chad Sarno
-several small adventures
-a peek into the naughtier side of London nightlife -- entirely unplanned and somewhat awkwardly unwelcomed!
-a taste of all but one of the raw restaurants (I'll have to save what I think is called "The Lizard Lounge" for my next trip!)
-several bouts with non-raw food
-a few unlikely new friends, including two Hungarians!
-my first ever missed airline flight
-feeling more lost than ever (that would be related to the flight but it's a bit related to life too)
-questions about whether I really want to be raw
-questions about whether I really want to move forward with the business I'm beginning
-thoughts on finally closing a chapter of my life (too personal to share all of that on the net!)

Gollee! Quite a surprising mix for me.

I had so many thoughts about closing a chapter in my life, and I think I've had more non-raw food in the last week than in the last couple years. On a trip born out of wanting more knowledge regarding raw food.

What gives?

As always, purely emotional. I can tie every moment that I had something to different emotions related to really closing that chapter and to starting new ones that fit me better.

Fine enough. But here's my problem. I claim to be a raw foodist. And I even avoid the questionably raw food items in most cases. Does this make me a hypocrite? Do I NEED to be perfect? Can I have a business that is related to raw food? Does that fit? Am I not "walking the talk" as they say?

Truthfully, I don't know the answers now.

As it has always been, I am not committed to raw food. I AM, however, committed to health. I believe the two are nearly equal (assuming other parts of life are in tune to healthy vibrations!), but it seems I have some work ahead of me yet. I just hope it doesn't feel like work. I love Europe -- which could very well be home one day, for sure -- but I have been aching to buy an ice cream machine and didn't want to buy it here while it's not home. I don't know why, but that is the ONE thing I really, really desire these days. I feel like I'm depriving myself, even. Geez, that's right, add that to the list. I had a scoop of "real" ice cream while I was there too. I hope confessing means I won't get sent to raw food hell. Ha! It's really the texture I've been missing, thus the desire for an ice cream machine.

All these scattered thoughts full of confessions and half-shared news and events. That would be how my mind operates after a few days of cooked. Really. And it's killing my efficiency. I got dumped with more work than usual on Friday. A bit annoying, to say the least.

If you're reading this, you've managed to get this far (bless you), and you have an ice cream machine, please thoroughly enjoy an extra raw scoop for me. And send me the recipe. Seriously. I'm going to put in an order in the next few days to arrive before I get "home" for my new machine.

If you don't have an ice cream machine, AND you've managed to get this far (bless you twice), I feel your pain. I encourage you to seek help or a machine. And don't let all the VitaMix affiliates out there tell you that you can make ice cream with it. It's a lie! The texture's not the same.

Ah, and veggie sushi. Add that to my airport sins.

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